Here's the Thing

Saturday, 19 December 2009

A start

They say everyone has to start somewhere. I know a lot of people like to consider New Year, their turning point. Their clean slate and refresh with promises to themselves of what they will do better to make this New Year somehow different from the last.

I am not a believer in the New Year. Frankly, I hate it so much it has put me in Hospital more than once. The last time would have been last January - So, it is fairly easy to see why I do not relish the thought of this one now approaching.

Its approach is, however, inevitable and it has got me thinking. Where do we consider our starts and finishes? At what stages in our life and passage through time and existence do we stop and think about what had gone before and what is yet to come.

I am a depressive by diagnosis. One of the main issues that comes with that is a distortion on the perception of time - That which has been can become flawed and mangled by the minds inability to filter correctly and that which is yet to come is filled with fear and negativity. So, what do we see in this Start? Is it a renewal of faith, a promise to make changes, or just a sheer determination?

In my case - It can be nothing more than determination. I come from a family of stubborn people and strongly believe it is this alone that keeps me going, keeps me alive. This is a start, not just for this blog... but for my newest attempt at fighting my own disease and in doing so, reaching forward across that large expanse of time ahead. In a hope of finding something that feels secure, stable and mine.

I hope you can join me on this path - A search for lost time.

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